The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence Hardcover - 2009

by Rachel Simmons

Bestselling author of Odd Girl Out, Rachel Simmons exposes themyth of the Good Girl, freeing girls from its impossible standards andencouraging them to embrace their real selves

In The Curse of the Good Girl, bestselling authorRachel Simmons argues that in lionizing the Good Girl weare teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood that sharplycurtails their power and potential. Unerringly nice, polite,modest, and selfless, the Good Girl is a paradigm so narrowlydefined that it's unachievable. When girls inevitably fail tolive up-experiencing conflicts with peers, making mistakesin the classroom or on the playing field-they are paralyzedby self-criticism, stunting the growth of vital skills and habits.Simmons traces the poisonous impact of Good Girl pressure ondevelopment and provides a strategy to reverse the tide. At onceexpository and prescriptive, The Curse of the Good Girl is a callto arms from a new front in female empowerment.

Looking to the stories shared by the women andgirls who attend her workshops, Simmons shows that GoodGirl pressure from parents, teachers, coaches, media, and peerserects a psychological glass ceiling that begins to enforce itsconfines in girlhood and extends across the female lifespan. Thecurse of the Good Girl erodes girls' ability to know, express,and manage a complete range of feelings. It expects girls tobe selfless, limiting the expression of their needs. It requiresmodesty, depriving the permission to articulate their strengthsand goals. It diminishes assertive body language, quietingvoices and weakening handshakes. It touches all areas of girls'lives and follows many into adulthood, limiting their personaland professional potential.

Since the popularization of the Ophelia phenomenon,we have lamented the loss of self-esteem in adolescentgirls, recognizing that while the doors of opportunity are opento twenty-first-century American girls, many lack the confidenceto walk through them. In The Curse of the Good Girl,Simmons provides a catalog of tangible lessons in bolsteringthe self and silencing the curse of the Good Girl. At the core ofSimmons's radical argument is her belief that the most criticalfreedom we can win for our daughters is the liberty not only tolisten to their inner voice but also to act on it.