Baby Laughs Hardback - 2005

by McCarthy, Jenny

Congratulations, you're a new mommy!

You've brought your brand-new bundle of joy home, and there's so much to look forward to: photos; baby's first word; clipping those oh-so-cute and very tiny fingernails; finding just the right stroller; sex again (gulp!); and, oh yes, losing the weight.

The joys of being a new mommy or daddy are endless, but so are the worries and the advice. Jenny McCarthy, the New York Times bestselling author of Belly Laughs, told you the truth about pregnancy and childbirth. Now she's telling the truth about baby's first year. Not one to hold back, but always funny, Jenny will tell you 'everything about new motherhood your polite girlfriends won't tell you.'*

With hilarious musings on desperately trying to recall lullabies, losing the weight, baby-proofing the house, encountering mommies with superbabies, postpartum depression, dueling grandmas, and still trying to lose the weight, Baby Laughs is the perfect companion for anyone trying to raise the next president, those just trying to get to the next naptime, and anyone who was ever in diapers.

*The Philadelphia Inquirer on Belly Laughs

Jenny McCarthy on

Baby Poop: There is nothing in this world like baby poop. The aroma, the ability to defy gravity, the texture, and my favorite . . . the color. I remember thinking, 'Wow, I've never seen this type of green before.' You hear other moms talk about it. Maybe even get some stories from your own mom. But when you get to experience it firsthand, you'll realize there's nothing like it!

Circumcision: If you don't know what an uncircumcised penis looks like, you will once your baby is born. When I saw my son's for the first time, I thought it looked kind of like a wrinkled french fry. I had the hardest time knowing that I that I would have to be the one to tell the doc, 'Go ahead.' How could I do anything to cause him pain? But I did, and my main reason was that I wanted him to have a pretty penis. Right now my husband is standing over my shoulder reading this, shouting, 'Stop calling it a pretty penis! Call it a battle sword or something!'

Losing the Weight: Great, now I had no excuse. I could no longer get away with, 'I'm not fat, I'm pregnant'; 'No, silly, I'm just retaining a lot of water'; and 'I need to eat all the leftovers because I'm eating for two.' It was time to face a woman's ugliest reality: looking at her fat. The day I decided to really look in the mirror will unfortunately be burned into the back of my head for the rest of my life. I still had two chins; purple, veiny, giant tits; cottage-cheese holes dripping down my thighs, to the point that I couldn't see my knees; and the absolute worst was the deflated tire around my waist, a jelly roll that jiggled and slapped each side of my body when I shook. I just wish once in a man's lifetime he could experience what a woman has to go through to give birth. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I realized I hadn't look at my ass yet!