Utterly Me, Clarice Bean Hardcover - 2003

Excerpt

This is me, Clarice Bean.

I am not an only child, but I sometimes wish I was.

My family is six people, which is sometimes

too many. Not always, just sometimes.

My dad is mostly in an office on the phone, going, "I can't talk now — I'm up to my ears in it."

Mom is always gribbling about pants on the floor and shoes on the sofa. She says, "This house doesn't clean itself, you know.

"Who do you think does everything around here?

"Mr. Nobody?

"I don't get paid to pick up your smelly socks! If I did, I'd be a rich woman." etc. etc. non stop.

I am the third oldest, and I think it would have been a good idea if I was the youngest, too. I am not quite sure why my mom and dad wanted to have more children after me. They don't need another one and it's a shame because he is spoiling it for everyone else. He is called Minal Cricket and he tends to be utterly a nuisance. He is nonstop whining and causing other people to get themselves in trouble.

You might think it would be a relief to come to school, but if you do, then obviously you don't know some of the people in my class. Naming no names, i.e., Grace Grapello, what a showoff.

Sometimes I stare boredly into space, thinking utterly of nothing. This makes Mrs. Wilberton very irritated. I get on her nerves. I know this because she is always telling me I do.

To be honest, Mrs. Wilberton is not my favorite person on the planet of Earth. Unfortunately, I am from Earth and she is my teacher.

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UTTERLY ME, CLARICE BEAN by Lauren Child. Copyright (c) 2003 by Lauren Child. Published by Candlewick Press, Inc., Cambridge, MA.