Book reviews from Judy_Croome

A Grief Observed

by C S Lewis

In the last year, I've experienced a spate of close family deaths, but Lewis’ A GRIEF OBSERVED is a personal diary I could relate to only fleetingly. Perhaps his sincere grief, and its intensity, is different to my grief because, thankfully, I haven’t yet lost my own much-loved spouse. While Madeleine L’Engle’s introduction was an erudite and emotional expression of her grief after losing her husband of 40 years, Lewis’s first two chapters were too angrily self-absorbed and incoherent for me to gain any comfort or connection with his writing. To his credit, he appears fully aware of this, and expresses his own doubts about his painful intellectual ramblings about what is, in truth, a purely emotional experience. “Do I hope,” he says on Page 32, “that if feeling disguises itself as thought I shall feel less?” And later, on Page 36, he says, “Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead.” I was left with the impression that, in his obvious shock at losing his beloved H, despite all their prayers, he turned to his outstanding intellect for succour, and found none.Reflecting the social era in which he wrote it (1960), and his own genius (he was an Oxford Fellow), there are also hints of social and intellectual elitism in this book. Lewis’s disparaging dismissal of a labouring man’s grief for his Mum (Page 21 and 51) did expose certain personal attitudes to people he considered intellectually and socially beneath him.But then, like grief itself, this is a very individual book. Lewis’s grief cannot be mine, and vice versa. I’m left with a mild sense of distaste that such a personal diary was ever published and wonder why Lewis agreed to publish such an intimate and, at times, hostile reflection of his private experience of loss.However, the last two chapters, when Lewis has clearly begun to find his emotional balance again, did provide some interesting and challenging thoughts on death, the process of grieving and God. Observations such as the small gem “Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process,” made the book worth finishing.

Elder Rage Or, Take My Father Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents

by Marcell- Jacqueline

My father had stroke induced vascular dementia for over 8 years, leaving us devastated at his mental and personality loss long before we lost him physically to death in February 2012. My mother and I were his primary care-givers through all the inexorable changes in his behaviour that this disease afflicts on its sufferers over the long, painful years. At the time I read ELDER RAGE, I approached it as a reader with a sincere desire to be helped through what was a sad and heart-breaking experience for my family and I.I could not finish ELDER RAGE as I found the humour banal, the endless song references irritating and the book bored me. I could not relate to the relationship between the author and her father. I was searching for spiritual and emotional guidance on how to cope with the difficulties of care-giving for my Father, as his mental, physical and emotional deterioration took a heavy toll on us as we had always been privileged to have the most wonderful, gentle and loving man as a Father.ELDER RAGE did not provide me with anything that I needed or required from a text on caregiving for the elderly.If you are looking for a wise and compassionate book that sensitively guides you through a similar caregiving experience, I'd highly recommend another book called "SO FAR AWAY: A Daughter's Memoir of Life, Loss and Love" by Dr Christine W Hartmann So Far Away: A Daughter's Memoir of Life, Loss, and LoveAnother excellent book which provides spiritual guidance for a person in a caregiving role is "BEING WITH DYING: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death" by Dr Joan Halifax Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death)A delightfully funny and compassionate book about care giving for the elderly is "THE SELFISH PIG'S GUIDE TO CARING" by Hugh Marriott The Selfish Pig's Guide to CaringDISCLAIMER: I have no connection, affiliation or association whatsoever with the authors of the alternative books I recommend, other than as a reader who discovered an author whose book provided me with immense comfort during a difficult time in my life. I end my review of ELDER RAGE by recommending these books as alternatives for other readers who are looking for more positive, compassionate and spiritual reads than ELDER RAGE provided me.

When Caregivers Kill

by Betty L Alt Sandra K Wells

Meticulously researched, WHEN CAREGIVERS KILL is also a dry, repetitive read, consisting more of a factual list of the unimaginable ways that caregivers – from parents to babysitters ¬– find to kill defenceless children. Motives and reasons for the brutal killings were given, but not fully explored. Referencing of sources was very good.I didn’t expect to enjoy this book, but I did expect to be moved by it. Unfortunately, there were only a few times when the victims became “real” enough that I could feel a twinge of any kind of emotion. (This review was for the Kindle edition)

Living Without Liesl

by Douwleen Bredenhann

A true-life story of a mother’s experience of the brutal murder/attempted rape of her 8 year old daughter by a 16 year old neighbour’s son.Clearly written as a much-needed catharsis, LIVING WITHOUT LIESL is a harrowing read, translated from the original Afrikaans. While there are moments of deep wisdom, the overall tone of the book is bitter and furious, although in the last twenty pages a tone of quiet acceptance begins to creep in.Some advice is detailed for other grieving parents and reflects a projection of a smouldering anger onto the unsuspecting folk who don’t know quite know how to react to the tragic circumstances, or who react clumsily. These (mostly) well-intentioned folk are often berated for being “insensitive” to the grieving parents’ needs, or for making “inane” comments. Apparently a common reaction of persons suffering deep grief, this attitude did distract me. The final pages contain a heartrending letter to the murderer of young Liesl. After reading the book, I was left with a lingering despair at the dark depths to which humanity will sink. The telling of this story raises many questions: where is the justice in a legal system that counts a child’s life, given up in final moments of unimaginable terror, worth only twelve years in prison? The youthful murderer ‘Piet Strydom’ served only five years; he was around twenty-one when he was released, with a lifetime of possibility ahead of him, while his victim lies dead in the ground. Can a mother ever overcome such a fundamental breach of all her hopes and dreams for her beautiful daughter? A personal story, LIVING WITHOUT LIESL offers a starting point for other parents who have suffered as grievously and who may identify with the pain still permeating the lives of Liesl’s family.

My Brother's Book

by Jo-Anne Richards

As an exploration of the capricious nature of truth and perception surrounding relationships and personal experiences of life-shaping events, MY BROTHER’S BOOK is an absorbing read. Rich in detail, thick with emotion and pierced through with thought-provoking philosophy, the story meanders through the lives of siblings, Lily and Tom. From their nomadic childhood in the Eastern Cape with their charismatic, but often absent, father Pop, the author paints an accurate picture of the paradox of apartheid South Africa. The optimistic Lily drifts through a poor but halcyon childhood, leaving all the work and the worrying to the complex, serious Tom, who slowly becomes aware of the socio-political injustices that surround him. Inevitably, Lily’s bubble must burst. The tragedy lies in that she brings about her own downfall: left out of the developing closeness between Tom and his girlfriend Miranda, Lily carelessly betrays her brother. Once before, Lily hadn’t liked it when Tom’s attention had turned to a romantic interest. Then, there had been no serious repercussions. This time, though, her pique condemns her beloved brother and protector to 12 years in an apartheid prison.30 years later, Tom—now a white liberal struggle hero in the newly democratic South Africa—writes about his perceptions of that time. Both Lily and Miranda challenge that perception and, through their differing viewpoints, we come to understand and sympathise with each of the characters and their personal “truths.” Lily and Tom’s story becomes a metaphor for the whites in apartheid South Africa itself. Lily, the average white South African whose childish innocence (blindness?) carried an unbearable price for others. Tom, the tormented visionary who buried his own needs in the desperate needs of others. And Miranda, a bridge between Lily’s naïve lack of awareness and Tom’s ruthless (and somewhat self-righteous) drive to achieve social justice for the oppressed. As Lily’s desperate need to atone for her betrayal uncovers Tom’s deep emotional wounds, both old and new, she discovers a fundamental truth about their past that utterly undercuts all their previous perceptions, and therein lies their hope for redemption. Although set firmly in South Africa, with much of the slang and descriptions uniquely South African, the ultimate power of this story rests in its universal themes. MY BROTHER’S BOOK tells a gentle and stirring tale of love and betrayal, loss and hope, and of the enduring bonds between past, present and future on both an individual and collective level of society. Richards, with exquisite sensitivity and impartiality, uses the lives and loves of Lily and Tom to explore the political issues of the old and recent past in South Africa. Her unerring eye for the way in which “truth” is both malleable and dependent on whose perception conveys this “truth” adds an intricate layer of meaning that turns MY BROTHER’S BOOK from an interesting, entertaining tale into a book that demands to be read over and over again.

Dancing In the Shadows Of Love

by Judy Croome

SYNOPSISAfter a decade in prison for a murder she did not commit, Lulu begins a new life at the Court of St Jerome in the Old Sea City. An albino, abandoned as a young child at a Holding Camp for unwanted children, she has always been ostracised, for her difference to others makes her an easy victim of prejudice.Once, she believed, she had a friend to love her. Then that friend betrayed her and Lulu learned that hate is safer than love. But, from Jamila to Granny Zahra, the people of St Jerome’s appear to accept her into their fold. Against a backdrop of never-ending war, the women of the court fight their personal demons: hatred, ambition and greed. As Lulu shares their victories and their losses, she learns to trust again, perhaps even to love.Nothing, however, is as it seems and Lulu discovers that love does not always wear the face of the one you yearn to call beloved.This compelling story explores the sacrifices people make in the pursuit of a love that transcends everyday existence. Lulu’s quest, and that of Jamila and Zahra too, is to find the divine love that will fulfil their hopes and save their souls... if they can recognise the masks of those who seek to lead them astray.Here are some REVIEWS from international Readers of "Dancing in the Shadows of Love": Author Anne Gallagher rated "Dancing in the Shadows of Love" 5* and says "Part other worldly, part time travel, I was taken into an African sub-culture where brutality and the lowest faces of poverty live and how each of the characters escapes. This is the story of three women, Jamila, Zahra, and Lulu, their lives intertwining, along with their search for love. Its raw emotion kept me turning the pages. Croome writes with a deep understanding of need and loss, as well as redemption and forgiveness. At times I was apalled, others left me weeping for these women and the paths their lives took. Croome is a master story-teller and her words are graceful and appealing. They sucked me in, grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let go. I could feel the ocean winds blowing through my hair, taste the gritty sand of the desert, and smelled the flowers in the garden. As for the characters, each is so alive and three dimensional, they literally walked off the pages. For myself, as a romance writer, this book taught me a lot about the path to finding and keeping love. As a reader, this book is one I will remember for a very long time." (11/2011) ### Goodreads member Karen says: "A beautifully written, lyrical book. I can pick it up at any point and find paragraphs that just amaze me with the writing. The book follows three women in their search for love, three broken women who seek healing and redemption and in the process their paths cross. I got drawn into these characters and really wanted more of each of them! Lulu and Zahra were my favorite. I like how the author goes deep into dark places and doesn't shy away from the reality of experience that made these women who they are." (11/2011) ### Goodreads member LuAnn gave Dancing in the Shadows of Love a 4* rating and says "This book is nothing but fascinating. Told in the voices of the main women characters, it takes the reader to a world many are not privy to. It’s a place where prejudice abounds and a person is avoided just because he or she is different than others. Full of brutal honesty, the story is not an easy one to read. It makes readers face their own fears and bigotries, while at the same time, coming to terms with the opinions of those who refuse to honestly look inside themselves for the truth. On the other hand, it’s also a story of hope and coming to terms with what could be perceived as one’s own differences from the norm of mainstream society." (09/2011) ### Book Reviewer McGuffy Ann from the book review blog "McGuffy's Reader" enjoyed the novel and says "Judy Croome grabs you by the heart and does not let go. In this novel she explores the lives and loves of three women. Each woman has her own story, her own struggles. The characters and their stories are raw and deep, making for a powerful book. There is a glossary that is not only useful, but necessary in understanding certain terminology used in the book. There are also symbolism and complex plot lines. The intertwining of these stories adds to the impact of the book. Judy Croome is a creative talent and a thorough writer." (09/2011) ### LibraryThing reader “liveinlibrary” calls "Dancing in the Shadows of Love" a keeper "I read this wonderful book some time ago and wanted to share how very much it meant to me, then ... I had to read it again because I knew there was more to it than a single reading could convey. Judy Croome is among the most lyrical authors I've read and her themes, like her characters, are alive with all of the poetry and fear, anguish and love that life can hold. There is much within these pages that will make you think and much that will make you cry. In many ways this novel is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. Lulu, Zahra and Jamila, each in their own way, lead lives in which the quest for Spirit is as important as the quest for kindness, forgiveness and love. Judy Croome's writing is to be savoured for its magical, haunting quality. Lulu's terrible, heart-rending solitude speaks to our own loneliness. Zahra struggles under the need to bury the past and keep it from unraveling the present. Jamila's search is for a love that transcends her past and all three wrestle with the demons that accompany any quest -- and then there is the mysterious Enoch. It's difficult to write a review for "Dancing in the Shadows of Love" simply because I don't think I'm done with this novel -- or perhaps the novel isn't done with me. I read the ebook version and I'm off to buy the print version. It's a definite keeper to be read over and over." (09/2011) ### Library Thing reader KiwiNyx comments "These three amazing womens' lives eventually cross over and we are taken on an insightful journey of discovery for each of them. The setting is somewhat like today's world but also quite different and the religion is again something we can understand but not quite the same which makes the story even easier to read because it never once delves into the realm of being preachy. On that point, I was initially worried that this story would be too religious for my tastes but I am pleased to say I was very wrong and this is an utterly compelling read of spiritual depths, exploring the kind of inner love and peace you can find when you let go of hate and the scars that you have lived through in your life. An outstanding debut and one I found I couldn't wait to pick up again and finish." (09/2011) ### Writer and yoga enthusiast PJ Swanwick wrote in her Amazon review "The women's stories are difficult, and Croome's writing style of exposes their emotions as raw wounds. One cannot read the book without jolting a nerve or two of one's own. These are well-developed characters, and the reader experiences every plot twist and turn by their sides, understanding their motives, if not always approving of their choices. For a first novel, "Dancing in the Shadows of Love" is very well written, with nuanced character development and solid plotting. Perhaps no one can truly describe what we mean by "love," but Judy Croome has done a fine job of trying." (08/2011) ### LibraryThing reader Mrs Flicker commented "Dancing in the Shadows of Love contains on its pages the story of three women who must learn first what love is not, in order to recognize what it is. It is the story of their own awakening into awareness of the "self" that each possesses. This novel is the type of book that draws the reader in so completely that the world at large simply does not exist until the last page has been finished. I recommend this novel to anyone who knows, or wants to know, how important love is." (08/2011) ### Author Linda Cassidy Lewis has this to say "I'm simply overwhelmed. Judy Croome has written a book that's gorgeous, brilliant, heart-breaking, uplifting, empowering ...and more! Although the story takes place in a purposely undefined place and time, the characters are painfully real. The story follows three women, each with a damaged soul, as they yearn to be loved, but first they need to define love and, in order to do that, they must learn to forgive. The mysterious Enoch is their guide for this spiritual journey. Judy Croome's writing is impeccable and her insight into the soul of man astounding. I believe this book came straight from her heart--and that heart is a large and beautiful one. If I could, I'd give this book six stars. I'm definitely looking forward to her next one." (08/2011) ### LibraryThing reader njMom3 says in her review "Dancing in the Shadows of Love was a very unexpected book. The setting is somewhat futuristic, yet now. It is not specified and as such really could be anywhere projecting the universality of the story. The main characters are three very different women. All three are compelling; you feel for them even as some make the wrong choices. The situations they survive - abuse, poverty, prejudice - all apply to so many people in so many different parts of the world. Again, this adds to the universal nature of human experience. The religious overtones in this book are unmistakable. However, they come across more spiritual in nature, rather than dogma and preaching. This book made me feel and made me think. A great combination!" (08/2011) ### Reviewer Krystal says in her 4* review "This is an emotionally powerful book and the reader has to be prepared to allow the author to expand her knowledge of forgiveness...the author does an excellent job of developing the characters and helping the reader to understand them and think of them as friends. The reader will be rooting for these three throughout the novel...the book is fast-paced, but the reader has enough time to comprehend all of the tough subjects addressed. The author does not skate over these issues, they are out in the open." (08/2011) ### Author Jesse Hanson sums up the novel in his review “The Court of St Jerome is a spiritual enclave that proves to be the point of convergence of the principal characters, three of whom are women of diversely troubled backgrounds. All three are seekers of love, but to find or obtain love, they must first learn what true love is. The lessons are often exquisitely painful; and they are, I think, uniquely feminine lessons. Ultimately, each of the three characters learns the lessons she needs to learn. Do they find love, any or all of them? Well I won't say. Is it a love story? Yes. Is it a unique love story? I do think so. It is worth reading. I recommend it to those who are interested in exploring the question: What is love anyway?” (07/2011) ### Host of The G-Zone Blog Radio Talk Show, Giovanni Gelati of Gelati's Scoop tweets that "Dancing in the Shadows of Love" is a 'seriously emotional novel' and adds in his review "...Generally I stay to lighter reads, things explode, people die, spies are caught, the bad guy gets his in the end, that kind of stuff. When I received this novel, I was on the fence about it. Was it my thing? Could I groove on her universe? The answer is YES, I did and I am a better person for taking the time to have this author expand my mind and my soul. If you are looking for a read that is going to make you question the core of your being, what life is about, perspective, forgiveness, seeing things through another ‘s eyes, then you better read this novel; it is that and so much more. The characters are well developed, the plot concise and the movement in their lives will touch you on so many different levels..." (07/2011) ###